Recently I stumbled across an entertaining article about the history of snack foods (this is what happens when one of your Google Alert search terms is 'history' - NERD!). Of the five foods featured, three were the result of tinkering with various recipes to make them less sexually stimulating. Yes, that's right: deliberately creating food that had no taste or appeal was a thing. It was thought by some that all types of pleasure were somehow linked. If you got too much enjoyment out of, say, a cracker, all that joy would get you thinking about other ways to keep the joy flowing, and the next thing you know, someone's knickers would be around their ankles. Graham crackers, hot cocoa, and corn flakes formulas were developed specifically to avoid creating snacks that would overstimulate us into raging hordes of pillaging Vandals. In the case of corn flakes, man, did they do the job right!
Which got me thinking 1) what a bunch of Debbie Downers these early food inventors were; 2) how far the food industry has swung the other direction; and 3) how closely related our eating habits are to other bodily functions linked to survival of the race.
I can see how those early food developers would assume a link between yummy-ness and naughty-ness. We've all heard particularly delectable dishes described as 'better than sex'. There's even a cake recipe with that name, but trust me - it does not live up to its moniker (although I will admit perhaps my suspect cooking skills were to blame for that). I think their fears were misplaced. My theory is that rather than stimulate more bedroom shenanigans, truly yummy foods are more likely to replace them. I'm no scientist, but I am pretty sure after a certain age, the hunger urge is the most powerful of them all. Ask a middle-aged woman what she would rather have on any special occasion (not just Valentine's Day): chocolate truffles or sex? You already know the answer.
Today, unappealing, bland foods are in the minority. It's hard to imagine anyone in the food business deliberately developing products you have to force yourself to eat - 'better back off on the salt content, Dr. Jones - we don't want to make those crackers too good!'.
There are a few foods that still manage to sell despite a complete lack of appeal, sexual or otherwise . Oatmeal, for example. I can choke it down for health reasons, but by the time I load it up with brown sugar and raisins so I can choke it down, it isn't all that healthy. But the majority of food is all about stimulation and attraction and addiction now. Walk down any aisle in the grocery store, and I guarantee you, a little voice in your head will scream 'avoid temptation!' at least three times. Per. Aisle.
Generating fresh how-to tips on avoiding the grocery Sirens has become a cottage industry: Shop only on the perimeter of the store! Avoid the end caps! Look only at the highest and lowest shelves - never in the middle! I am surprised no one has suggested strapping your arms to the grocery cart yet. Maybe a blindfold would be better. I can't be the only one who consciously averts my gaze when I roll by the Krispy Kreme display. A single glance at that sugary temptress with the scandalous peek-a-boo packaging is enough to send my consumption urges into overdrive.
The food industry is way out in front on this. Alluring packaging is just the tip of the iceberg. Megacorporations spend billions of dollars on fancy laboratories fully stocked with exceptionally intelligent Ph.D.s. They could be off somewhere developing an affordable and green alternative to fossil fuel. Instead, they are spending their days figuring out the correct mouth feel/salt content/crunch density for the next variety of Cheetos. The Frito-Lay display on the grocery aisle end cap serves exactly the same purpose as that shady character standing on the corner in the sketchy part of town, tempting you with junk you will enjoy momentarily, but that is absolutely no good for you, packaged in carefully calculated serving sizes, priced to sell and guaranteed to keep you coming back for more.
All this talk of eating and sinning has done its job. I'm off to the pantry for a midnight prowl. There better be something salty/crunchy in there. I will settle for something sweet. Oatmeal, no worries - you are safe tonight.
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